LEARNING AT THE POTTER'S WHEEL

The familiar isn’t comfortable
I’m not the same
I’ve been changed completely
By the Name above all Names

Let me live in THIS truth
May I move in THIS way
As I touch the old things
With the light from His Day

Let my reality be that
Which these eyes have not seen
Let my reality be what
My heart knows is plain

When the old circumstances
And the old wisdom comes
To tempt me to return
To the ways that are done
May my heart swell again
With a song not my own
As I trust in this truth
The old life is gone!

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And they were all amazed,
and they glorified God,
and were filled with fear,
saying,
We have seen strange things to day.
~~Luke 5:26~~

This week is my birthday. I remember thinking that the best way to approach life was to figure out the rules and follow them. I tried that for a long, long time.

Ironically, I always wanted to be loved for who I was, unconditionally, but I approached God as though this life were some sort of legalistic negotiation. Somehow I figured if I lived reasonably well (exceptionally well if you gauged it by some people) life would not be allowed to throw me any curveballs I couldn’t handle.

I even approached my relationships this way.
I would meticulously meet every standard that anyone would expect.
When the other party would become exasperated with me, I could point at my spotless record and become indignant. Hadn’t I done what was asked? Hadn’t I done what was expected? Required? I didn’t deserve to be treated this way!

Have you seen the flaw in the little girl’s reasoning?

It’s taken me a lifetime to see it. When I finally figured it out, that little purse and matching socks & gloves were long gone.

God didn’t just want my compliance. He wanted me to yield to Him with a full heart. He didn’t want me to constantly be flinching as I served Him fearfully. God, and anyone else who is loved, wants to know that His lover delights in the loving – not that she is running down a checklist of requirements.

Of course, knowing this didn’t make everything automatically right. I did what I had always done and looked within myself to try and generate the right attitude. If He said, “Fear not,” then surely I’m capable of not being afraid. Right?

Wrong!
He was asking me to give Him something I didn’t have. I didn’t possess the fearless abandon He demanded. I didn’t know how to run after Him. He went places I didn’t know how to follow. Then, He wasn’t pleased when I faltered in my uncertainty. I tried. I pasted on a smile and worked SO HARD to be what He wanted. He knew my heart and was patient, but I could tell I was overlooking something . . . . something that was basic. I just couldn’t figure it out.

Then, it occurred to me. Every time God asks us to give/do something, He seems to make it so big that we can’t find the resources within ourselves. He gives us things to do that are larger than ourselves so that we learn to look to Him for the need. It is in Him that we find the supply we need to do the thing that pleases Him most. Who else could teach us about how to love freely and with abandon than the One who set the world in motion and then went about the business of reconciling us back to Himself?

The little girl in the photo has something that would remind her later of this lesson. You see, every Sunday they would pass the collection plate around the little Bible class. Her daddy wanted her to learn about giving, but she didn’t have any money of her own.

Do you think that toddler became frustrated and fretful over how she could accomplish the task of giving when she had nothing to give? No. Not one single moment did she concern herself with such a thing!

She just reached into her little purse each Sunday and gave the dime her daddy had put there. She knew he would. He always did. He supplied what she needed to give what he required.

That’s my greatest birthday gift.

At every cliff-hanging moment in my life when I KNEW it was too much, too big, more than I could ever . . .

If I remembered,
I knew I could stop and look to my Father.
He always placed within my hand and my heart the things I needed to be able to offer what was required. All it took was the time to trust that He is all He said He would be . . . and more.

It’s been a breathtaking journey. He has been more patient with me than I have been with myself. He has endured much for my sake. There are not words to express what I feel, but He sees my heart now. He knows He is my delight; He is my supply.

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But let him that glorieth glory in this,
that he understandeth and knoweth me,
that I am the LORD
which exercise lovingkindness, judgment,
and righteousness, in the earth:
for in these things I delight, saith the LORD.
Jeremiah 9:24

But my God shall supply all your need
according to his riches
in glory
by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

Last week, it finally got cold enough to build a fire in the fireplace. This week, temperatures are mild again.

Tomorrow, we will have a roasted turkey and some simple trimmings.

We’ll be home. Just us. Together.

No mad rush. No endless parade of casseroles.

Just us, a few special treats and family.

For me, it’s the way I really ENJOY holidays.

I get to focus on the meaning of our time together.

It allows me to think about the truly important things . . .

Instead of whether or not I’ll hurt someone’s feelings by bringing the wrong dish . . .

Or wondering if I’ll get it all packed into the car or on the table on time . . .

We will sing some hymns of Thanksgiving.

We will remember those who have and are purchasing our freedom with their lives.

We will remember those who survived that first winter with prayer and hope and GRATITUDE for the opportunity – the freedom – to serve HIM.

He truly is worthy, you know.

It’s easy to get sidetracked with the world’s perception of Him.

We recently viewed a promotional DVD of a ministry that detailed several miraculous events. With each testimony, they mentioned God, but were careful to insert the name of their ministry and how THEY were an avenue of blessing.

It made me sad and angry. I was sad to think of the hurting searching masses who will be deceived, because they will grasp at anything that sounds good. I was angry to see Him portrayed as nothing more than a way to get what we want (as long as you support the right religion).

He is God.

He is a Person.

He has freely given us good things . . .

Because He LOVES,

Because He chooses to,

Because He is good,

And He is God!

He is worthy of our praise.

He is deserving of our gratitude.

For the invisible things of him from
the creation of the world are clearly seen,
being understood by the things that are made,
even his eternal power and Godhead;
so that they are without excuse:
Because that,
when they knew God,
they glorified him not as God,
neither were thankful;
but became vain in their imaginations,
and their foolish heart was darkened.
Professing themselves to be wise,
they became fools,
Romans 1:20-22

I’m thankful for the needs – and so much more – He has supplied.

I’m thankful for the way He patiently teaches me.

I’m thankful that He loves me beyond my ability to comprehend.

I’m thankful for the blessings of home, family, friends and so much more.

I’m thankful for hope:

Hope that isn’t marred by circumstances,

Hope that remains certain in the uncertainties,

Hope that is bigger than my failings,

Hope that is dependant upon His virtue, not mine.

I’m thankful that He has changed me, and He continues to do so.

I used to think He was transforming me into someone I wasn’t,

But now, I don’t know, I think He may be putting into place that which He had in mind from the beginning.

And I’m amazed, astounded really, to see the stuff of my life that His touch makes new.

How could I not be grateful?

And he that sat upon the throne said,
Behold, I make all things new.
And he said unto me,
Write: for these words are true and faithful.
Revelation 21:5

The heavens declare his righteousness,
and all the people see his glory.
Psalm 97:6

If you’re away from home and feeling adrift.
Look up. Look at the sky.
Listen to the heavens.
They have a message for you.

War, violence, sickness, pain, death

Some will sit at a table of plenty and be glad they've escaped difficulties another year,
while tragedy will be the reality for others.

We tell people that they should be grateful.
We heap guilt on them when they struggle with fear and doubt,
admonishing them that they shouldn’t feel that way . . .

Instead of weeping with the grieving,
comforting the hurting and binding the wounds,
we send the grieved off to weep in hiding,
the hurting to their silent suffering
and the wounded to bleed untended.

In our silly attempt to insulate ourselves from tragedy, we tell ourselves that we aren’t like them. That they must have fallen out of favor somehow and lost God’s blessing. That Providence is visiting justice on them.

We don’t stop to think that God has provided us with an opportunity to minister to another person.

We don’t consider the possibility that we will one day need someone to minister to us.

We see them there and nod politely and cross over to the other side, moving quickly away.

The truth is that we don’t really trust God’s heart towards us.
We know our own flaws and are sure that we've somehow overcharged our account,
that God's Justice could not allow US redemption.
Could He?

If we get too near the suffering or hurting people,
God might notice us and decide to bring our account due.

This Thanksgiving, one of the many things I’m thankful for is that God has never been limited by my misconceptions of Him.

There’ve been seasons when I thought I was alone.

There was one year that we thought a child might die.

There was that one year when I got a charity box
and another year when we fed the homeless.

There have been years of plenty and years of lack.

But I’ve never gone through a year that He wasn’t there, loving me.

When I sobbed in the darkness and accused Him of abandoning me.
He stayed.
When I accused Him of being cruel.
His love persisted.
When I doubted His motives and accused Him of not caring about me personally.
He was not easily offended.

He knew when I couldn’t hold myself together.
He knew what I needed and when I needed it.
When I tearfully reproached Him for denying me what I THOUGHT was necessary.
He firmly pried my fingers from my treasures.
Waited for me to calm down
and placed within my hands something so much MORE.

Sometimes, I am tempted to go back to my old dreams.
Some of His gifts don’t feel like gifts.
Occasionally, His gifts are painful.

But I’ve walked this road long enough to know
that He isn’t astounded or taken aback by my pain.
He doesn’t run away and hide when I despair.
He is there, holding me, waiting for me to calm down
so that He can offer His remedy, His comfort; His plan.

I found this audio clip of a boy named Logan today. You'll understand why I put it here when you listen.

Thank you, Jesus!

I was going to tell you about the feelings a veteran and his family have on this day.

I was going to tell you what happened when a young kid went to seek adventure and found out that he wasn’t a comic book hero and that those who might have been often didn’t survive.

I was going to tell you about coping with emotions, returning home when so many others didn’t.

Duke & others at Sheppard AFB after completing training

greeted returning military personnel in the
airports, bus terminals and train stations.

I was going to tell you how he was treated after his discharge by potential employers.

Phu Cat Air Base

I was going to try and describe the indescribable. I thought I’d done a pretty lousy job.

But I must not have been too far off.

It was just a little too true to share.

It was just a little too raw, still.

So, for those who didn’t make it back, I grieve for time too short.

For those who returned, I’m so glad you made it! I’m so grateful that you went.

I haven’t forgotten.

I remember.

For my youngest, IFTY (I’m fine; Thank you) presents itself as he takes on greater tasks than his ability. (see ‘A SpecPOOPular Day’) For my seven year old, IFTY appears as he imagines he already knows what you are going to say and misses what you actually said (Duke has a touch of that on occasion :-)). In Duke, the presentation of IFTY is in the form of some physical injury that he imagined would be too much trouble to take care of at the moment. Later, we end up applying poultices, lancing, drawing out infections, or applying salve. Once, we ended up at the emergency room because he thought that the best way to deal with pain was to ‘work through it.’

However, the worst cases of IFTY I’ve ever seen are most often found in MOMS. That’s right, if you are a Mom, you likely know what it is to suffer from a good case of IFTY. In fact, we aren’t even smart enough to have it affect us only in the ways I’ve already mentioned. We take it on in the areas of our emotions when dealing with genuine hurts. By the time we can no longer contain ourselves, we are ready to blame everyone else around us for our life-choking case of IFTY. In an effort to excuse our sickness, we then dump our poisons onto our loved ones.

I have an acquaintance who was suffering from a good case of IFTY. In her proper Southern way, she expected that those closest to her should somehow KNOW if she needed something. Unfortunately for her, she married an educator instead of a mind reader. One Sunday as she struggled to re-dress an active toddler and herd the other children out to the car, her case of IFTY grew into an eruption.

Every Sunday, her devoted husband would sit quietly in the car, reading the newspaper while he waited for the rest of the family to show up. On this fateful day, my friend finally ‘lost it’ and stormed out of the house. She marched to the car, children in various stages of dress following her and her own appearance somewhat skewed. With fire in her eyes she looked at her husband and said through clenched teeth, “WE HAVE A PROBLEM!” He calmly continued to read his paper and said, “Well, Honey, if WE have a problem, why are YOU the only one upset?”

I’ve never had the courage to ask her the rest of her story, but she says that something clicked in her that day. She realized that if she wanted help, she had to first admit that there was a need and ASK FOR HELP. Amazingly, brilliantly, simple. Not easy for everyone to do.

This stuff can lurk, hidden away for years under layers of IFTY. We sometimes want things to be right so badly that it’s just easier to pretend that they ARE. But if we never admit the malady, how can we receive treatment? It could take years, but eventually, all IFTY sufferers will experience an eruption. Unfortunately, some of us will only settle for a release of the built up tension – a lancing – and still not seek healing.

I thought I had gotten better at this stuff, but guess what? This week has shown me that I am susceptible to various forms of IFTY. Being inoculated from one form doesn’t make you immune to another. You really have to guard against this stuff.

Someone I admire greatly commissioned me to write about a time in my life that I had survived and, from all appearances, managed to come through nicely. However, my assignment was to write about the dark days when I wasn’t so sure how things would turn out. In the process, I re-experienced some of those same emotions. I realized that I had developed a slight case of IFTY over the whole thing. It took me a day or so to regain my footing.

Like Natural Medicine, getting rid of IFTY can require some steps. Here are mine:

Step 1: Identify the hurt. Stop saying, “I’m fine.” If you aren’t fine, admit it.

Step 2: Go to the PHYSICIAN. I didn’t say to burden your neighbor, your close friend, your sister, your mother, or even try to get your husband to listen to you. I said, GO TO THE PHYSICIAN. Why would you expect anyone else to do what only He can do?

Step 3: TELL HIM YOUR SYMPTOMS. This is important enough to repeat: TELL HIM YOUR SYMPTOMS. Don’t sit there and pray a pretty greeting card prayer with all of the proper forms and rituals of men. I wonder if He doesn’t get tired of those. Be honest enough to admit the feelings that He already knows you have. Tell Him your hurts. Trust Him with your heart.

Step 4: Ask Him for HIS remedy. You wouldn’t tell your surgeon HOW to do surgery. Why do we think we are wise enough to direct the Almighty in finding a remedy? Expecting a loved one to do what only God can do will also set you up for disappointment and frustration, not healing. Be willing to submit to HIS remedy in HIS own way.

Step 5: Follow the instructions. If He puts mud in your eye and tells you to wash it out in a muddy stream, who are you to argue? If He tells you to wait, why wouldn’t you? If He says to tell your husband (who may or may not understand), it’s worth the risk.

Here’s the catch: Once you’ve gone to the Physician, you don’t get to determine the if, when, or how of what He does. You only control your willingness to yield to His methods. He may require some outlandish things from you. He once told a man to sell everything he had (Matthew 19:20-22; Mark 10:20-22; Luke 18:21-23). He may tell you to go or stay or wait or who knows what else. He isn’t answerable to men. He is God.

“Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteemed as the potter's clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding?” Isaiah 29:16

How sad that we often rob ourselves of the remedy by saying, “I’m fine; Thank you.” How much better we would all be if we were willing to tell Him, “I’m not doing well today. It hurts. Please, make things as YOU will. I NEED You!” Really, He is the only One who can make it all better.

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“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls”
Matthew 11:28, 29.

In a courtroom in a ‘free’ country, a man will stand and be held to account for defending the faith. His accusers will be many. His defenders will be few. Professionals will wrangle with points of law as right and wrong take a back seat in the fray.

Lord, be his defender. Let the judge not be impartial, but hold his heart in Your very hands and turn his judgment towards that which honors You. Let the dear family be filled with Your comfort, and may their faces glow with a fierce pride in the purpose for which he has chosen to stand.

Let the enemy be confounded again and his purposes made as dust in a windstorm. May the unseen host assemble and drive all opposition far from this place. May the end of this circumstance be so much greater than the beginning that all who see it will declare Your glory, honor and praise. May even those who are against You declare it.

Amen.