LEARNING AT THE POTTER'S WHEEL

The Creator of the Universe is so wise and wonderful. I cannot express what His grace has meant to me.

There was a time when I was certain that HE could never really care for ME. I am so glad to know now that I was wrong. This is not something brought about by any merit of my own. Rather, it is a testament to His steadfast love that would not let me go.

It is easy to imagine that a person filled with joy is a person that cannot understand or comprehend the difficulties you’ve seen. ‘How dare that person rejoice?! Don’t they know there are people hurting?! How cruel to smile while others weep! What a flippant thing to suggest that FAITH alone could solve THIS!’

At one time, I believed joyful people were happy because they had never known pain. I assumed they were immune to the depth of hurt I had known.

That was before I came to understand what Solomon wrote: “The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9.

There really is NOTHING new under the sun – not even the kind of pain I’ve known. My history isn’t really all that unique. For what it’s worth, here’s a small portion of where He brought me from:

Dealing with emotionally broken people is not enjoyable for me. It isn't because I don't know how to handle myself. Rather, it's because these situations have a cold familiarity. I know too well what it is like to be at the mercy of those that love explosive conflict, drama, faultfinding and gossip.

Much of my childhood was a bewildering adventure where I tried to reconcile actual events to the interpretations of adults that were convinced every difference must mean war.

I felt more secure at school, but even there I often heard young teachers swapping stories and laughing about other students, their parents, and each other. So, though I was thankful for the predictability of graded approval, it was a relative security.

I learned it was in my interest to NOT cause adults embarrassment by revealing the truth I knew. There were MANY topics we weren't allowed to mention, lots of secrets. It became a matter of survival to learn how to read the faces of the adults in my world. I was always searching for the meaning behind the words, because in my world, words hid coded messages.

I only recall once or twice when I attempted to describe these things to a trusted adult. The people in my day-too-day circle weren't interested in what a child thought, and fewer wanted to hear it. My uncertain efforts met with well-meaning lectures on how I should try harder to be a good girl that didn't disappoint.

Much of my time was spent trying to figure out how to best position myself to stay out of trouble. I often wore a look of concentrated puzzlement. My facial expression meant that photographers were always a little frustrated that I had to be told to smile. I met that frustration with a quizzical stare, wondering why I would smile when I wasn’t happy. I don’t know of any childhood pictures where I wear an un-posed smile.

One day, quite by accident, I discovered a valuable key to navigating this confusing time. I was watching my mother and another woman go through a bag of clothes that were not appealing to me. The colors were faded earth tones, and the reds looked orangey-rusty. There weren't any play clothes in the bunch. For a small girl that liked to climb trees, there wasn’t much there to like.

The women were ooohing and aaahing over all of it as though these items were lovely. Taking a cue, I ventured, “That’s a pretty dress.” Honestly, I did not like the color or the fact that it was a dress, but the cut was nice and it had a ruffle around the hem that made it tolerable.

The change in the room was electric. Suddenly, I was drawn into their circle. They began to include me in the conversation. Their faces lit up, and they asked my opinion on many items. I saw that they only held up things THEY liked and were only looking for an appreciative audience. So, for my mother and her friend, I became a reflection of what they wanted. I offered them encouragement, and it actually tipped things in my favor. It’s still a vivid memory to me -- the day I complimented an ugly dress and FINALLY received approval.

It was a valuable lesson to learn. It served me well, but it made me somewhat cynical of individual motives. I still have to occasionally remind myself that spotlight seekers aren’t always oblivious to the needs of those around them. I’ve often been brought to the place where I had to choose to offer grace to those who enjoy sniping and backbiting – even when my instincts tell me to use the skills I learned surviving treatment by those who were MUCH more intimidating. Yes, HE is a very patient Teacher to His children.

Thankfully, these things are my history. They haven’t robbed me of the present or my future.

My parents have actually turned into ideal grandparents. I love them dearly. Forgiveness brought healing, and I came to understand that their own childhoods were the things of nightmares. I learned that the world isn't such a frightening place when you are held by the hands of the ONE that spoke creation into existence.

Managing associations and friendships with people one on one and in large numbers has been largely uneventful. Knowing God has helped me to re-focus my thinking to what pleases Him and how He sees me rather than what ugly human imaginations can dream up. However, few people ever get very close to me. I don’t have much appreciation for feigned familiarity.

There are, a few friends that are happy exceptions to this. Along the way, I have been blessed with friends that DO value me as a person. These same friends trust my fidelity and goodwill. They rejoice when good comes my way and weep with me when I grieve. These are friends that pray for me regularly even when I’m not aware of it -- whether or not I ask for it. These are friends I may not see for years at a time, but it’s like we’ve never been apart when we come together. I call them my heart-friends.

When my heart-friends ask my opinion they are genuinely interested in an honest response. They want to know how I see the world, and they delight in and value my perspective – whether or not they agree with it. They aren't so self-absorbed or insecure as to think opinions and points of view must always line up perfectly. They don't assume that my words have hidden meaning or are born of manipulations. They don't demand that I hide myself in order to make them feel better about themselves. When you know who you are in Christ, you don't NEED to hold others hostage to your emotions. You are free to just enjoy each other -- differences and all.

. . . . And, if you ask me today what I think about THAT . . . I’ll smile a wide smile that makes the corners of my eyes crinkle and tell you from the depths of my soul that I think that’s just BEAUTIFUL!!

I've certainly neglected my blog for some time!

My last post was nearly a year ago. . . .WOW -- That's a long time.
So, I think I'll start off with some excerpts from messages by Michael Pearl. This entire series has been a great encouragement to us because it reminded us of the many ways God has transformed our lives.

These particular quotes have to do with gossiping, telling tales, whispering, backbiting, etc. Why would THAT be an encouragement? If you've ever held a position of responsibility that required discretion while making decisions that affect others, you'll understand completely. It's no fun to be the subject of speculation by strangers (or by 'friends' that suppose they have all the details). It's not pleasant to be accused of maliciousness when the opposite is true. Then again, there's the old saying that if you aren't encountering opposition, then you aren't doing much.

So, if you're finding yourself on the receiving end of suspicion, accusations and those that enjoy strife and conflict, you may find this an encouragement as well. If you'd like to listen to the entire series, you can find a copy here:
50 SINS by Michael Pearl

[. . .]Now the 34th sin.

Sin is whispering about someone. That's one of the sins listed in the scripture. Whispering it's called. That's the sin of whispering. Now, there's nothing wrong with whispering when you're in church and you have to tell your wife to go ahead take the kid out because the diaper's messed up and you can smell it. You need to whisper that. But this whispering is when you are saying something to someone about someone else and you're not saying it where everyone can hear, just this person, or a very small circle. You'll see people do it like this – just two of them. They know they're saying something they shouldn't. They put their hand over their mouth and start talking low.

Telling something JUICY, BAD . . . Oh, so sad!

Oh, we need to pray about SOMEBODY ELSE and what they did.'

Now, dirty news is always interesting – especially if it's somebody that's been haughty, and we'd like to see them brought down – or somebody that's brought us down in the past – and now they're getting their comeuppance.

So if it's bad news about them, we remember to be serious and sober about it and shake our heads and say, 'Oh, how sad!' When maybe we're thinking,'How glad I am they finally got exposed for what they did.'

Man, that's ugly. Do you know how ugly that is?

Now, what do you think the heart of God feels like when we have that kind of attitude?
How does God feel?

And how do YOU feel when somebody's talking about YOU?
When they're acting that way about you – saying something about you – how does that make you feel?

Sin is whispering
Psalm 41:7
"All that hate me whisper together against me:"[/color] David said, [color=purple]"against me do they devise my hurt."

Proverbs 16:28
"A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends."

A lot of times people are lonely and insecure and feel like they're not liked. So they will pick out a person that they want to be their friend and they will tell every dirty thing they know about their friends, so that it just leaves the two of them together to buddy up.

They will tear down the other friends of this individual so that 'I will be the only one they like and trust.'

I want to tell you that works in the reverse. That only works with fourteen year old girls. You know fourteen year old girls that do that. And they'll draw together, and they'll form their clique. And they will run everybody else down, but it won't last long.

Relationships built on that kind of whispering never last, because somebody who becomes a whisperer will one day whisper about you too. And you'll get tired of it, and they will no longer be your friend.

Romans 1:28[-30]
"...even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, . . ." so forth

II Corinthians 12:20
"For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, [b]whisperings,[/b] swellings, [and] tumults"

Paul— coming to the church at Corinth – said I'm ... 'I fear that when I come to you, I will find you engaged in whispering.' There was a sin taking place there in the church. And he said, 'Rather than dealing with the sin, you are puffed up, don't mourn, and you're in danger of just whispering about it.'

Watch out for somebody just whispering sin to you. When somebody starts whispering someone else's sin to you, just start right there and say,'Now wait a minute. Hold up. Why are you telling me this?'[/i] Or, [i]'I don't want to hear it.' Or say, 'It's none of my concern.' Or just say, 'Okay, let's pray right now for the person. You lead off.' *laughs*

That's real difficult, you know?

You got it all up in your heart. You got this evil up there. You got this malice toward them and you start whispering. Somebody says, 'Okay, let's pray. YOU lead off.'
Boy, that's a kick in the face.

Believers response to teaching on sin.

You know when you hear these things mentioned, it's not like you say, 'Okay, I've got to remember that and not do that.' That's not the way God works. And that's not the way this will work in you.

What happens is when you hear teaching like this and it exposes sin in your own heart, there's an automatic cleansing process and purging that takes place. If you're a Christian and your heart's honest, then a repentance occurs at the very idea of hearing it. It's so embarrassing, SO humiliating, so disgusting to see ourselves suddenly that we just – you'll repent the moment you hear it. You'll say, 'Boy, I did that. I'm sorry for that. God I don't want to do that anymore.'

And you don't have to formally do that, but in your heart that takes place and with that there's a shaking loose of that sin in your own life.

So the next time the opportunity or the situation arises where that sin would pop up, you laugh at it then. You laugh at yourself. You look at it and you'll say, 'No. No way. Not THIS time.' And you do, you make a conscious effort that 'I'll not speak’ or ’I'll not listen' or 'I reject that thought.' And you're purged of it. You're delivered of it.

It's not like you've got to go out and try, 'Boy, I'd really like to say something bad about that person, but I'm just going to hold my tongue.' It's not that way.

When God really gets to the root of the sin in your heart, the source of it, then you don't have the desire to talk about that person any more. You don't have the need to tear them down to build yourself up. You don't have the need to be recognized and honored and praised. You don't have the need to try to appear humble any more.

You're just content to let God sift it all out in the end,

An inferior attitude is not true humility.

28th sin is taking an inferior attitude towards those of wealth and position.
Now, this is a reversal. This is not about pride and self-exaltation. This is about thinking of yourself in a mousy way – being humble about yourself. Feeling inadequate in the presence of people of more skill, more education, better looking, in a higher circle than you.

This is about putting your head down and being quiet and kind of getting in a corner because you don't feel adequate in this crowd.

That's sin too.

See? When you know you're God's creature, and you don't judge other people by those outward measures, you're not going to let them judge you by those measures either. It's only when in your own heart, you think there's some great virtue in education, wealth, being able to speak correctly, being dressed correctly, uh . . . knowing the right people, and so forth.

When you think that that really is to be admired then you'll be ashamed and embarrassed when you can't exhibit that in the presence of those that that are capable and able. But when you . . . When you realize that that's not the measure of a person – that people are measured by their heart, by who they are, by the light that's in their eyes, by the lilt that's in their voice . . . When you realize that and you’re in the presence of people that normally others would be awed by, you can be totally relaxed – neither condemning, judging, faultfinding, nor feeling inferior in any way.

Just totally relaxed.

Now, I have seen so many people that have that retiring presence when in the presence of people they think are so much more than they are. And they would NEVER think that is sin. They'd think that was humility, but it is sin.

Come out of your shell. Come out of your hiding.

When you walk with the Lord and you walk in joy and you walk in peace, a filthy rich person – you know, BILLIONS – can sit in your presence and you won't feel any different than you do sitting in front of a pot smoking farmer down here in Perry County.

You won't. You won't feel inferior...

I'm a mix of emotions as I post this entry. . . . and that's fitting as parenting is just that, a mixture of so many things.

I'm excited for my youngest, Z-man. He's been potty-trained now for two years, but the nights haven't all been dry. Yet, in the last couple of weeks, the dry nights have moved into the majority. My writing brought me a few pennies, so the last time we were out running errands, we stopped into one of those box stores.

This was during the tax-free weekend, so all kinds of stuff was placed for prominent display. One of those items were the draw-string twin sheet sets that you buy for kids going to camp or college. They were on sale. We didn't NEED any sheets, mind you. The ones we have are fine, but they are old.

I looked down at Z-man and told him how proud I was of him that he wasn't wetting the bed any more (mostly) and that I thought he deserved to have brand new sheets. He was thrilled and picked out a bright apple-green color to have on his bed.

That night, we put his sheets on and tossed the others in the wash. His brother had also gotten a set. They were both quite proud of their selections and couldn't wait to hop into bed.

Would you believe it? Those sheets are worth their weight in gold. Z-man has something HE chose, HE picked out and HE wants to keep nicely on HIS bed. So far, the magic sheets have done their work nicely. All dry nights . . . One accident happened en route to the restroom, but the green sheets? Dry as a bone. Thank you very much!

So, why the mix of emotions?

Because tonight, there is a family making arrangements to have their their son released from the hospital to come home. There aren't any magic sheets for this young man. The cancer has done its worst, and the end looms. Hospice has been called, and prayers are being said. They've taken their last vacation.

These parents who have kissed the boo-boos and soothed the hurts are now facing an unimaginable loss, but there is no time to process all of that. For now, they must keep track of pain meds, care schedules and the endless telephone calls. They will not sleep much during the next while. Someone will always need to be awake. The one that should be resting likely won't be able to. They will make arrangements that no parent ever dreams of making.

They aren't just running out of time, they are losing time they thought they had. . . The holidays yet to come . . . The milestones not yet met. In an almost cruel twist, weddings, births, deaths, graduations, and new friendships will all continue to occur . . . time will march on . . . oblivious to this crushing blow.

For now, I live in a world where green sheets can work magic. But I have also known the sorrow that comes when nothing I could do would fix it. I know what it is to go on living when one I love did not . . . and I grieve for this mother and this father and the task that is before them.

Tonight, I'll tuck Z-man into his still-new green sheets, and I'll pray for this family as they settle in for the night. I'll be thankful that when these times come I know there IS comfort and peace because the Potter holds me firmly within His skilled hands.

About 8 years ago, I met a man that worked at a school for troubled youth. I asked him about how successful his program was – how well the graduates did when they returned to the circumstances they had left. His answer was both simple and profound.

“Jesus works every time He’s tried.”

Wow. It’s true, you know. Every time He’s tried – every time we look to Him for the solution instead of some substitute – He works. The answers aren’t always what we’d choose or want (left to our own devices), but I’ve found in my own life that when I’m willing to lay aside my own wisdom, fears, uncertainty and doubts and look to His wisdom, then my life is filled with purpose – a nobility, if you will – that was lacking when I muddled through on my own steam.

In my own strength, I can become frustrated when I see that so many people are motivated to manipulate others into meeting their needs. In contrast, when we see this life as a proving ground for the one to come, then poor choices of those we love take on a larger importance. I grieve for what it reveals about the heart, instead of railing against their actions or looking for a clever way to respond.

That’s quite a contrast when you think about it. Most individuals are just looking for a way to get past the current irritation or obstacle. They’d be glad to try anything or anyone if the results would accomplish a desired result.

Parents are considered successful if their children manage to become adults before becoming parents themselves. Keep the kids off of drugs and out of jail. You’ll be declared a successful parent.

Marry a spouse that doesn’t cheat or abuse you, and the marriage is called a success.

If our family members don’t embarrass us or cause us undue discomfort, the family is held up as an example for others to follow. When there is embarrassment or discomfort, it’s called ‘dysfunctional.’ But don’t despair; you’re just one good daytime television counseling session away from a solution. Just follow all of the steps on the latest checklist and you too will be called a success.

That, to me, is a hollow definition of success.

The heart remains the same. We clean up the outward appearance and ignore the inside. The stuff that set things rolling in the wrong direction remains the same, but for all appearances it looks really good. We tell ourselves that the problem is with everyone else. That we are a product of our environment and that if those around us would just apologize and treat us with respect and love and care enough to stop being so . . . well . . . dysfunctional . . . THEN our lives would be better, at least.

Then that Jesus guy gets in the way of our line of reasoning again:

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. 26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. 27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. 28 Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. (Mattheew 23:25-28).

I remember a time when mamas would stay up all night on their knees weeping and praying for a wayward child or husband or loved one. They prayed for their souls; for their children to desire HIM above all else. Now, I wonder if we haven’t started settling for a lot less . . . If we aren’t just asking God to make the road smooth without looking to see which way that road is headed?

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26 For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:24-26)

I heard an old recording this past week of a prison worship service. At the end, one of the inmates prayed to close the meeting. Have you ever heard someone pray with such power that you KNEW God heard? That incarcerated man prayed like that. He prayed with authority and power. While workers in the prison were free to come and go, something tells me that few experienced the freedom that this man knew. I wonder if he had a loved one that had prayed earnestly for his soul?

There are people that I love that have driven me to distraction with their irresponsible behaviors. Often, my angst comes from irritation that they have inconvenienced or embarrassed me. That’s to my own shame.

There really is a bigger picture after all. The difficulty is that I’m bumping up against people who need more than a nice white-washing on the outside. They need to be made new. It’s time to stop telling people to turn over a new leaf or re-commit to doing better. It’s time to fall down on our knees and pray for new life – for people to turn to Jesus.

He really does work EVERY TIME He’s tried.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. II Corinthians 5:17

When I was 21, I was the smartest thing you’d ever seen. My grades reflected what my teachers said: I was gifted and smart. I knew everything I needed to know and everything everyone else needed to know (I thought). I also believed that if my family and friends had all just listened to me, things would have gone SO MUCH BETTER!

Honestly, I took offense when people doubted my "wisdom" – which I dispensed liberally. No matter how many times I was proved ‘right,’ I lacked credibility. Why wouldn’t they listen? Why did I always have to explain my reasoning? Why couldn’t they just take my word for it? I wasn’t STUPID! It puzzled me that people struggled with things that seemed so straightforward and simple (to me, anyway).

I was well-read. I had passion. I was disciplined. I was inexperienced. I had drive. I WAS 21!

NOW, I’m far past that age. I’m still smart, but I’m a whole lot less cocky about what I know. I’ve got a lot more questions than answers, and I’m constantly checking (and re-checking) my sources. I’ve seen bedrocks of human wisdom crumble on more than one occasion. . . . And I’m starting to find that there was a lot MORE information than the surface stuff I was satisfied to swallow in my younger days.

Take praying, for instance.

I used to bend God’s ear with long diatribes about what was wrong with the relationships in my life and ask Him to fix those people who were just driving me nuts. With sobs of emotion I begged Him to change my loved ones. I would ask Him to make others more patient, loving, caring, and attentive . . . to ‘grow’ them into the people they ought to be (so that they could love an appreciate me as – as He would want them to, right?). I would tell Him how bewildering it was that they would treat me so carelessly . . . Me, the child He loved so well. I would picture Him cradling me in a gesture of sympathy.

I don’t know how He stood it, but He did and loved me in spite of myself. He showed me that I didn’t have the first clue about what was really needed . . . and that He was using “those people” to work some things out in my own life. Smart as I was, He knew I needed some tweaking (a BIT! ).

Praying for my husband is a place where I’m continuing to grow. My prayers for this man used to be that God would make him more this or less that because it was hard on the children or me or our circumstances or WHATEVER. I was praying for God to give me the kind of husband that would make my life easier . . . because things would be easier if everyone just did what God told us to do, right? Isn’t that what this life is all about? Smooth sailing for those that serve well? . . . Not really!

Silly woman that I am, I had forgotten that God had dibs on my man. God made that man for a reason and has a plan for his life. I was created to be his help meet. God’s designs for my husband aren’t subject to my comfort. This life is a proving ground for things yet to come. In the myriad of details, it’s easy to lose focus of that.

I read where someone had been praying for her husband to develop the traits described in Titus 1 and I Timothy 3 even though her husband isn’t serving in any of those offices. The thinking was that if God finds these things important for a man to be a leader, then she wanted her husband to have these things worked into him THAT HE MIGHT BE READY TO SERVE in WHATEVER capacity the Lord needs him . . .

Ooops! I needed to sharpen my focus. If you read them, you’ll find that those verses have a bit to say about the wife of such a man . . . We need to get ready too. Ulp!

So, here I’ve been praying for a life free of conflict and struggle for me and for my dear husband. I hadn’t been asking God to prepare us for whatever HE wanted. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I did ask Him to have His will and way, but my earnest prayers were towards my own desires. I had forgotten that the Potter already had something in mind when He began to shape and mold us.

Now, I’m looking at my wonderful husband and seeing our circumstances in a new light. He’s in God’s boot camp, and God is working some things into his life and my life that we are going to need. I’d think we were too old for that, but God doesn’t. Those are muscles being formed in God’s refinery. No one must have told God about how old dogs can’t learn new tricks. . . . Then again, He made the old dogs. Guess He should know what can hunt and what can’t.
[Apologies for the country, hound-dog analogies ]

At any rate, my prayers have changed to asking God to work these things into my husband’s life that he will be READY for what GOD has in store and not to satisfy my small vision . . . and that He make me a wife worthy of this man He has chosen to use.


My! The years do change perspective. I believe that’s a good thing, though!

I was running errands and stopped in the little neighborhood store near my home. The store is actually a converted shed that sells an assortment of home made goodies. They retail some homemade soap and laundry detergent made by my friend. Since my friend is about a 45 minute drive and the store is in the neighborhood, I stop in to purchase at the shed.

In the back, they’ve got a little kitchen/café where some cooks that know how to do what grandma did serve up home-cooked meals to eat in or take out. There, on a shelf above the dining area, is my friend’s soap.

The bell clanked against the door as I entered the dining area. I noted that a gentleman and two ladies were eating at the table and chairs directly under the shelf containing the soap. “Excuse me,” I apologized. “I’m just going to grab some soap. I don’t mean to interrupt.” I reached up and got the bin, pulling out a few bars of soap and a couple of bags of laundry detergent.

Since we are in a friendly town in the South, it wasn’t at all strange to me that a conversation ensued about the merits of the soap. I was only too happy to tell them about how my friend came to make her soap, etc. Of course, this led to side conversations about how our little town isn’t little any more and is growing, etc.

At some point, the gentleman smiled and began to rummage in the pocket of his slacks saying, “I know! I need to give you a frog!”

It didn’t really faze me much. In my house, if someone says he’s got a frog in his pocket, it’s not all that unusual. Then I saw the appalled look on the lady’s face next to him, “Oh,” she exclaimed, “You’d better tell her what you mean!” That got a good-natured chuckle.

If you know me, it wouldn’t surprise you to know that all of this transpired without me ever getting everyone’s name. I inherited that gift from my mom. She (and I) can easily meet and have interesting conversations with anyone and never get the name. I figure this way they’ll never know for sure if I’m ready for a care facility :-D.

I continued to watch as this man actually DID pull out several plastic and rubber frogs of all colors and offered me one for myself, Duke, B and Z-man. As he did, he explained that someone had told him that F.R.O.G. was an acronym for Fully Rely On God. He liked the message and its truth so much that he began purchasing these little frogs to carry with him everywhere and share with people, telling them that they need to Fully Rely On God.

WHAT A BLESSING!

I thanked those kind folks and gave them a card with information on how to find No Greater Joy’s web site.

Early the next day (before decent people are normally awake *wink*) as Duke was getting ready to go to work, I slipped him the large green frog and told him the story. He smiled, stood a little straighter and slipped his frog into his pocket.

Now, we all have little pocket reminders to Fully Rely On God. I am so grateful that this servant of the Most High was willing to share this blessing with me and my family.

Have you remembered to F.R.O.G. today?

What a friend we have in Jesus,

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Text: Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886
Music: Charles C. Converse, 1832-1918

Three years ago, I attended a seminar for parents learning about how to implement the Casein Free/Gluten Free diet. We had already started incorporating the CF/GF diet on our own to help ensure that Z-man didn’t encounter difficulties with digesting gluten.

The degreed nutritionist taught the seminar with a book by Lisa Lewis (Special Diets for Special Kids) on her lap and the book Unraveling the Mystery of Autism and PDD by Karyn Seroussi on her briefcase. The significance of this is that the Seroussi book I already had at home after seeing its review on the Bulk Herb Store web site. The book by Lisa Lewis, was recommended in the Seroussi book, and I had checked it out from the local library. (I didn’t add the Lewis book to my library.)

I listened as the nutritionist answered several questions with “I don’t know.” At one point, I did tell her where the answer to one of the questions was located in her book so that she could look it up. I went there feeling very intimidated and thinking I had so much more to learn (I’m still learning *smile*), but I left there encouraged in the way God has supplied the many needs for our family.

If you’ve read much about our early days with Z-man’s diagnosis, you will know that one of our greatest concerns was how or if we would be equal to the task of parenting a child with special needs. We knew we loved him, but we didn’t know if that was enough.

I’m here to tell you that your love coupled with God’s wisdom is exactly what your child needs. God can get you the information you need, packaged in a most effective way for your circumstances. I’m not here to tell you that you don’t need expert advice. I am here to tell you that the experts aren’t the expert on YOUR child. YOU are! With God’s guidance, you will be able to pick and sort your way through the decisions you must make.

That’s why I so highly recommend Sally Fallon’s book, NourishingTraditions along with Karen Sourissi’s book, Unraveling the Mysteries of Autism. While these books are both well written and interesting, they also provide parents with an education in how foods work and how they affect the development of a child – and overall health. These are reference volumes for how to evaluate your own circumstance and make choices in the best interest of your child and family.

I stumbled upon these books because God had placed into my hands literature from No Greater Joy ministries. I read the recommendations, invested in the books, and I am STILL benefiting from that decision.

At the seminar I mentioned, I was one of the better-prepared parents in attendance – and some of those parents had been doing this diet for 8 years! I not only understood the mechanics of the diet, but I understood why it works – something the nutritionist didn’t really seem to grasp.

Again and again, in this journey I have been reminded to praise my Loving Heavenly Father who takes the time supply His children with more than they need before they even know how to ask.

If you don’t have a copy, these books are often available at your local library. Check them out and see for yourself if you don’t think they are a necessary reference for every kitchen. These books can both be purchased new from Bulk Herb Store (http://www.bulkherbstore.com/NT and http://www.bulkherbstore.com/UMA). To save money, you can often find used copies available online. You can’t have mine. ;-)

`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`
Now unto him that is able
to do exceeding abundantly
above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that worketh in us,
21Unto him be glory
in the church by Christ Jesus
throughout all ages,
world without end.
Amen.
Ephesians 3:20,21

Sub Title: When a Question Isn’t a Question

Disclaimer: Duke has read and given his approval for me to post the following. ;-)

I’ve been learning about how to be a wife all of my life. When I was a very young woman, I pretty much knew it all. Now, as a much older woman, I don’t know nearly so much as I should, and I’ve learned enough to realize that.

For me, the greatest measure of my success as a wife has been how well I’ve been able to know my man. You might think this is a simple task. But I didn’t marry a simple man. Sometimes, when you have two people who are trying so hard, life begins to resemble a comedy.

We had one of those days a while back. Duke had been working overtime, covering for other workers who were out sick. Of course, he doesn’t have but two settings (wide open and off), so by the time he gets home, he’s running on fumes and at some point, his tank is empty.

On this particular day, he arrived home tired but happy (still on fumes). We flirted with each other and laughed like we usually do. At supper, Duke and the boys lingered around the table, finishing up and visiting. I excused myself to the office to finish some paperwork. Duke finished his meal and was putting his dish away when the request for an apple arrived from the middle child.

We had one apple in the house and some more in storage. Duke called over to me, “Can we get an apple?”

Now, we switch to what happened in my female brain. I knew that Duke wasn’t asking me for my permission to get an apple. I assumed he was asking me either, (A) “Do we have enough apples between now and payday to bring in more from storage?” (B) “Have the kids had too much fiber, and will a whole apple give them diarrhea?” or (C) Both. I went with “C.” I recalled that we had fed some apples to guests AND that the boys had eaten plenty of fiber (including a nice plate of greens at supper). Additionally, the boys are used to having just ½ of an apple for a serving. So, knowing how tired Duke was from his long day and taking into consideration all of the above, I said, “No, they can just split the one there and each have ½.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I could tell from Duke’s expression that I had misread the entire situation. Looking back, Duke was just tired and wanting to be the good guy. The boys were wearing their biggest brown eyed expressions. Duke wanted to reassure himself that he was the hero they believe him to be, so he was creating an opportunity for me to affirm his decision. He wasn’t asking a question, really. He was saying, ‘Hey, I’m great and the kids love asking me for stuff. Isn’t that great?’ However, what came out of his mouth was “Can we get another apple?” My response was to what he said, not to what he meant and to his request for affirmation he got the answer, “No, they can just split the one there and each have ½ an apple.”

So to Duke’s ‘Isn’t this great?’ my ‘No’ was a blow. I was still clueless at this point, but could tell by the cloud that descended that I had suddenly fallen from favor. While I was still trying to figure out what had happened, Duke replied, “Only HALF!?” He gestured to the starving children at his side (they had just eaten big plates of roast beef, rice and collard greens), “Why can’t they just have a WHOLE apple?”

Still thinking of silly things like digestion and stocks in the pantry, I unwittingly replied, “Well, they usually only eat half. They just had a pretty big supper. Half should be enough.

Okay, so that’s two strikes. He’s lobbing me easy ones that I should be able to knock out of the park, and I’m focused on the bleachers (If you knew Duke you’d be proud to see how well I’m able to insert baseball analogies into every part of life).

The clincher to this was that Duke assumed that I was well aware of what he was trying to do (I wasn’t). He’s standing there, trying to be the hero his boys believe him to be (without the cape or the tights), and I’m just killing the moment by not being his adoring wife. Instead, I’m in literal land and answering the question that I heard. I’ve effectively put my foot out and tripped him as he was trying to leap another tall building.

So, Duke does what any self-respecting super-hero would do and he rallies his people. He becomes a defender of the downtrodden (a well-fed downtrodden) and stands up to the villain (me) with a scowl and words of a frustrated hero. Even at that moment, I still didn’t get it. I’m asking things like, “Why are you so mad? They’re YOUR apples. Get them if you want them. If you didn’t want my opinion, why’d you ask?”

Well, if you are going to start using logic when faced with emotions, I should tell you that you may as well save everyone concerned a lot of trouble and just quit.

That’s what I did. I could see that my responses were NOT appreciated and that my Duke was just too tired and worn out to bother explaining it to me. They got the apples. Their hero was still their hero. They went to bed.

I’ve been reading up on chaste conversation and realized that I really NEEDED to know what a chaste response would have been. I prayed and asked God to help me discern when a question wasn’t a question and how I could have/should have responded.

At some point, I began to see that the whole thing wasn’t about apples after all (DUH!). I also realized that the one thing Duke hates more than not being allowed to be a hero is having to admit that he might possibly have contributed to the confusion (I know, it would be a stretch).

I decided use humor to smooth things over. In his lunch box, along with his regular lunch, I crammed as many apples as I could. I expected him to come home chuckling.

Well, that didn’t exactly happen. He came home with that cloud still over his head. Of course, I wasn’t helping things by saying things like, “Why are you still mad?” To which he responded, “I’m not mad at you!”

That’s when God started answering my prayers to understand what had really happened. Along with that realization another thought occurred to me. Duke had made me the villain. If he apologized and/or admitted to playing a part in the misunderstanding, he would lose his super-hero status, hand that over to me and become the villain (in his own eyes, not mine). It appeared that Duke had gotten himself out on a limb and couldn’t figure out a way of giving up his position and reconciling without losing face.

I meditated on that as I got ready to go to the grocery store. I prayed as I went asking God to help me know how to respond. Then I saw them. Beautiful, silk tea roses were on sale at the grocery store. It had been a long time since Duke had gotten me flowers. Well, why not? I grabbed the colors I liked and headed for the checkout.

When we got home, Duke was sitting up in the living room chair half-dozing. Tired as he was, he should have laid down to rest, but he waited up to help me unload the groceries. We got them nearly all put away, and I pointed out the flowers.

“What are those for?” he asked. “Well,” I responded, ”I knew you would want me to have them, so I got them. They’re very pretty. Thank you!” He looked a bit confused and said, “You’re welcome.” Then I caught his eye and paused, “I know you feel bad about everything,” I said, “I accept your apology.”

FINALLY, I got it right! It was like a weight lifted. He gave me a great big bear hug and whispered sweet, mushy stuff to me. That man even made me cry with his sweetness.

I pulled away and asked, “Remember when we were just getting to know each other? You used to say that you just weren’t good enough. You said that over and over until one day I responded, ‘Well, then you’ll just have to improve!’” He nodded. “Well,” I said, “I have something to add to that. . . . . . GO!”

Duke chuckled. The cloud lifted, and I learned a little more about my man.

Duke handed me the paperwork to do our taxes last week. Thankfully our finances are not very complex, so it’s mostly a matter of finding an extended window of time that allows me to think without distractions. THAT’s the part that can get complicated!

I tallied up our income for the year and then I double checked the figure. This just couldn’t be right. Don’t get me wrong. I knew things were tight. Duke hadn’t worked as many hours last year as previous and things weren’t luxurious . . . but the figure I was looking at stunned me. We had managed to pay our bills and eat regularly on nearly 15% LESS income than in the previous year!

For me, it was really exciting. This meant that we were able to enjoy more of Duke and more family time and we didn’t really miss the money. It wasn’t planned. We did eat more beans, brown rice, and tortillas than we did before, but WOW, 15% LESS annual income! I couldn’t stop laughing for joy.

It just really drove home the point for me that God knows how to take care of us in ways that no paycheck ever could.

This isn’t the first time God has done something like that. He uses the most unexpected methods. . .

There was the time when we needed money for Z-man’s therapy. It was going to cost thousands of dollars for the year in addition to travel expenses. We didn’t have the money.

The first year, we received an unexpected windfall from a canceled retirement fund in just the right amount to cover the year and the initial evaluation.

The second year, we got a box in the mail from my sister. While she was on the phone, she told us to open the box. Inside, we found some t-shirts: “Oh! Don’t look at those, keep going,” she urged. A little lower down, we found some newspaper clippings about a ‘benefit’ garage sale. From the clippings, it appeared that several families had donated items. My sister had organized a fundraiser, unasked. Families we didn’t know had donated so much stuff that it filled my sister’s yard AND her neighbor’s. A sign company even donated a HUGE banner to stretch over the area. Sis said that some people didn’t even want to buy anything. They just stopped their cars and made donations.

Then my sister told me to open the envelope. Inside was just enough money to cover another year’s worth of treatment, including travel expenses for one trip. We just wept and cried in thanksgiving. The t-shirts were ones that the volunteers had worn. They had Z-man’s picture on them.

The next year, I was starting to get really run down physically and otherwise. The intense therapies were demanding. Learning new ways to prepare new foods was time-consuming. We were in another universe than our old friends. Family couldn’t relate to what we were going through, and it was just too hard to explain.

Days were filled with endless tasks and the work was never done. There wasn’t time or strength or energy left over for any kind of socializing, so we didn’t even try. We just laughed when local parents’ groups sent invitations for parents’ night out. Spending more energy to move the family from point A to point B coupled with the stress of handing our kids over to be watched by strangers was simply not an option. I NEEDED to get out. I NEEDED time with my husband, but Duke was buried in work, and from his perspective I was doing just fine.

The truth was that we were both drowning in the endless fight to awaken the neurological connections in our child’s mind. Duke was wearing himself out with overtime. I was just surviving.

It was one of those times in our lives when we couldn’t have told you what we needed if you had asked. We didn’t know ourselves.

But God knew.

He laid it on the heart of a woman in Texas to pay for half of our air fare to travel to Texas and visit family. This was no small feat as the trip would require me to plan our meals and send our foods ahead. We would stay with family.

Duke agreed. The arrangements were made. At the last minute, Duke nearly changed his mind. Thankfully, the tickets were non-refundable.

We spent two wonderful weeks in Texas. We were able to see San Antonio and Austin (in all of its wonderful weirdness :-) ). We thanked that woman for her incredible gift, but I don’t think she will ever know how she helped (by God’s direction) pull us back out of some very black days. It is one of our most cherished memories.

That’s how God has worked again and again in our lives. These are just a few of the stories. I don’t share except to brag on God and to remind you that this same Jesus loves you as well. For those who imagine that serving God brings great monetary wealth, I just laugh and think how short-sighted that perspective is. God does MUCH more than we could ever ask or think.

Ephesians 3:19,21
Now unto him that is able
to do exceeding abundantly
above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that worketh in us,
Unto him be glory
in the church by Christ Jesus
throughout all ages,
world without end.
Amen.

Today had the potential to be a lousy day. I woke up very tired. My system has been fighting a cold being passed around by my little one. My Dearest Duke, was up and in a whirl of activity long before I was able to compose myself and greet the family. While I dressed and fought feelings of guilt, he had already fed them breakfast, made the coffee and cleared the dishes.

Duke is the best husband in the whole world. My children are my joy. Yet, the multitude of tasks and caretaking chores that fill each 24 hours sometimes seem to define me in their eyes. I become the person that does __________ for them. Rather than a person that enjoys ________ or loves _______ or thinks ________. I feel as though I have become the person that meets a need and performs a function.

Of course, I was underestimating my dear family. My depleted physical condition was affecting my emotions. When I got to the living room, I saw something precious. Duke had moved my rocking chair.

Let me explain.

My rocking chair was a gift from Duke. When our oldest was young, I made do by learning how to hold a little one and rock my body as I sang lullabies. Duke made sure that I had a rocker for the younger ones. However, Duke also loves overstuffed, large pieces of furniture. This meant that my rocking chair sat near the fireplace, in the walkway, where passersby tripped over my feet or bumped the chair as they opened the door to the backyard. It didn’t really bother me. It was just the only place left for my chair. I would sit on one side of the room, while everyone else sprawled on the other side.

When I got up this morning, Duke had moved his GIANT recliner to the opposite side of the room. He had banished one of the clunky pieces of furniture to the dump and the recliner found its new home in its place. This freed up floor space so that my rocking chair now sits right between two other pieces of furniture. It’s like I’ve been allowed to come out of time out.

It got me to thinking.

As much as my precious family loves and cares for me, there is Someone Who cares about me in unfathomable ways and knows me more intimately. Looking at my chair in its new home, thinking about how much it means to sit WITH my family rather than across from them, HIS words came to me:

Let not your heart be troubled:
ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father's house are many mansions:
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I go to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again, and receive you unto myself;
that where I am, there ye may be also.
John 14:1-3

Imagine a place that has been made for you by Someone who KNOWS all of the secrets of your heart. Even better. Imagine a place made for you by Someone who MADE you and KNOWS what will be the perfect fit.

We have a way of exposing ourselves to things for which we were never created. But, there is a place made for me by my Creator that is full of all the things I was designed to enjoy and use and touch and . . .

I will be sheltered, fed, clothed, furnished by PERFECTION. The ONE who made me will offer me things which are so me, it just wouldn’t fit anyone else. I believe that in the enjoyment of those things He has prepared, He will be glorified, because no one else could have prepared something so perfectly suited for me. In fact, I think that the things He has prepared are so perfectly suited that if you were to enter the place prepared for me, you’d likely find it nice, but not so enjoyable.

Here, I enjoy my rocking chair. It is mine, but it is a mass-produced rocker. It looks like many, many others made at the same time. In the place HE has prepared, I don’t think anything is mass-produced. There are no duplicates. Just look at each of us. Within the boundaries of the human race are limitless characteristics that make each of us unique. If there are scissors in heaven, I imagine that each tool is so intricately crafted that it will only become a tool of perfection in one hand, the hand for which it was created.

Now, read those words again:

I go to prepare a place for you.

We aren’t talking about some luxury resort with several custom rooms and extravagant amenities. He means something much more intimate.

Just as Duke instinctively knew that I’d love to sit near his chair and relax near the children and look at the fireplace warming the room, God knows a few things about my heart. He knows my tastes. He knows the things that stir me to tears, laughter or rejoicing. He knows what things will inspire me to my greatest achievements. He knows what would be a nagging annoyance. He knows what would bless me in ways I’ve never even imagined. He KNOWS.

And HE has prepared a place for ME!

You’ll just HAVE to see it!