LEARNING AT THE POTTER'S WHEEL

I'm a mix of emotions as I post this entry. . . . and that's fitting as parenting is just that, a mixture of so many things.

I'm excited for my youngest, Z-man. He's been potty-trained now for two years, but the nights haven't all been dry. Yet, in the last couple of weeks, the dry nights have moved into the majority. My writing brought me a few pennies, so the last time we were out running errands, we stopped into one of those box stores.

This was during the tax-free weekend, so all kinds of stuff was placed for prominent display. One of those items were the draw-string twin sheet sets that you buy for kids going to camp or college. They were on sale. We didn't NEED any sheets, mind you. The ones we have are fine, but they are old.

I looked down at Z-man and told him how proud I was of him that he wasn't wetting the bed any more (mostly) and that I thought he deserved to have brand new sheets. He was thrilled and picked out a bright apple-green color to have on his bed.

That night, we put his sheets on and tossed the others in the wash. His brother had also gotten a set. They were both quite proud of their selections and couldn't wait to hop into bed.

Would you believe it? Those sheets are worth their weight in gold. Z-man has something HE chose, HE picked out and HE wants to keep nicely on HIS bed. So far, the magic sheets have done their work nicely. All dry nights . . . One accident happened en route to the restroom, but the green sheets? Dry as a bone. Thank you very much!

So, why the mix of emotions?

Because tonight, there is a family making arrangements to have their their son released from the hospital to come home. There aren't any magic sheets for this young man. The cancer has done its worst, and the end looms. Hospice has been called, and prayers are being said. They've taken their last vacation.

These parents who have kissed the boo-boos and soothed the hurts are now facing an unimaginable loss, but there is no time to process all of that. For now, they must keep track of pain meds, care schedules and the endless telephone calls. They will not sleep much during the next while. Someone will always need to be awake. The one that should be resting likely won't be able to. They will make arrangements that no parent ever dreams of making.

They aren't just running out of time, they are losing time they thought they had. . . The holidays yet to come . . . The milestones not yet met. In an almost cruel twist, weddings, births, deaths, graduations, and new friendships will all continue to occur . . . time will march on . . . oblivious to this crushing blow.

For now, I live in a world where green sheets can work magic. But I have also known the sorrow that comes when nothing I could do would fix it. I know what it is to go on living when one I love did not . . . and I grieve for this mother and this father and the task that is before them.

Tonight, I'll tuck Z-man into his still-new green sheets, and I'll pray for this family as they settle in for the night. I'll be thankful that when these times come I know there IS comfort and peace because the Potter holds me firmly within His skilled hands.

If one of my family members were to become ill, I know that I (or someone I know) would have some ideas about things I could try with promising results. I wouldn’t be dependent upon whichever course the doctor I could afford to see might offer. I would have options. It’s reassuring to have this information.

Having options though isn’t all it’s cracked up to be sometimes.

I was in another city attending a conference. The name of the conference wasn’t specific. We were learning about laws affecting natural and alternative health care. I was in the lobby one morning and noticed that several people had paid a fee to get into the center. They were wandering from one booth to another, looking for someone – anyone – that might know what they could try because the doctors done all they could.

They thought that at THIS conference, SOMEONE might have a single dose of SOMETHING that would be the answer they needed.

Some had money. Others were just looking for hope. All of them wanted to live. We tried to point them to the right resources, knowing that they may have waited too long . . .

For the last few weeks we have been praying for a relative in a medical crisis. Only now, we discovered that she had been living with secret knowledge that something was dreadfully wrong. She had been doing this for two years. She thought that her only option was to go to a doctor or suffer.

I don’t know what going to a doctor meant for her. I don’t know if she thought she would have been embarrassed, incapacitated, shamed, or if it just meant that she would lose control. Maybe she was just tired and wanted some privacy. Whatever the reason, she didn’t go. Because she didn’t tell anyone, she didn’t know that she had options. She didn’t ask. And so she got worse.

When the pain got bad enough, she went to the doctor. The surgeon assured her that he could do his part and have her on the mend.

She went into the hospital, offering words of instruction and love – trying to say goodbye in her own way. Everyone told her there was no need to worry.

We repeated ourselves when she was out of surgery and doing well.

Plans were made for physical therapy and an aid to help her with her recovery. Everything was going according to schedule.
After a few days, the diarrhea and the fever came. Then the breathing became difficult.

And she was gone.

Maybe it was the way she wanted it to be. I don’t know. For two years she hurt. She avoided the doctors. There were options, but she didn’t know them. We didn't know she was suffering.

I don’t know that her life would have been any longer with natural medicine. I know she could have had a measure of comfort and control. Who knows? She might even have recovered.

But those are things we can never know. She’s gone and it’s too late.

Why do I tell you this? I tell you because there are some things more important than knowing just the right herb or remedy. I think we have to learn how to cultivate the kinds of relationships that garner us the trust of those we love most. It isn’t about being right in the end. It’s about whether or not they will let you hold their hand and offer some measure of comfort.

Families are funny. We think that because someone is related to us that he or she should just understand and accept us at our worst. We subject them to our highs and our lows and think that a relationship so abused will be able to draw us together in tragedy . . . But we are wrong.

When the choice is life or death, you discover who a person truly trusts, who they will go to for counsel. When the minutes become moments, how a person spends them becomes very telling indeed.

I write this for a few reasons. If you are one of those who is excited about all that you are learning and people are hiding items in their pantry from you to avoid the lecture they know will come . . . You would do well to step back and rethink your approach. You may mean well, but they don’t trust your motives. They feel judged and humiliated and your input isn’t welcomed. Try investing in that PERSON. Tie some strings to their heart and develop a relationship. With time, you may find that they will ask you for your input, but you’ll have to earn it.

If you are one of those that thinks your dear ones will just have to learn to accept you for who you are and they need to accommodate your emotions, it’s time to put that aside. There truly ARE things more important than our little feelings. Don’t wait for the circumstances of life to convince you of that. The time is shorter than you think.

Finally, if you’d like to preserve your health but can’t afford the latest alternative health guru that flew into town, keep learning. There is information – good information – out there, but it takes time and study. The time to study is NOW. . . BEFORE a health crisis. Knowing stuff gives you options. Researching these things tells you who else is out there learning.

Something you learn could give you the time you need to make a difference. You won’t regret trying.

Sorry for the soapbox moment. *blush* Maybe this will do some good before it's too late for someone you love.