LEARNING AT THE POTTER'S WHEEL

My children teach me more than I can ever hope to teach them. They are often accurate reflections of my own attitudes and demeanor. As a mama, I do my best to keep track of a LOT of details at the same time. This can give me a distracted air . . . until something goes wrong.

When something goes wrong, I am suddenly find the time to set aside other tasks to attend to the emergency at hand. I seem to be able to correct bad behavior without giving it a second thought. I can become quite focused when picking up or cleaning up the latest spill and deliver a stirring lecture on the merits of thinking of others, etc.

I have a long list of stirring lectures that can be delivered on a moment’s notice:

• How could you do that?
• What were you thinking?
• Don’t ever do that again!
• Why would you imagine that this was okay?

I’ll stop there, but you get the idea. In its context, none of these lectures was out of control or abusive. They were conceived and delivered at appropriate moments in the natural course of family life.

But something was missing.

I started noticing that the children had developed a method for getting my undivided attention that was at the same time effective and discouraging.

I didn’t realize that’s what they were doing at first. At first, I thought they had all decided at once that they would take extreme measures to send me to the very edge of my patience.

Then, somewhere in a dark, dusty corner of my memory, I recalled something someone had told me about called the Mama Store. She used it to encourage good behavior in her children. At first, I passed it off as simple bribery – something that I wouldn’t want to use in child training. But my children are trained to know what is expected of them, so I decided that the Mama Store might just be worth a shot to use as an encouragement for good behavior.

I started a box of goodies that held everything from extra art supplies, coupons for treats, little cheap plastic toys, balloons, and whatever else I could find that was cheap and available. Every item had a value placed on it and the clear plastic box was placed on a high shelf. This was my Mama Store.

My next step was to figure out how to keep track of good and bad behaviors. At first, I settled on a chart with tally marks in one place for good and another for bad. The end of each day was adding up both, subtracting the bad from the good and determining the total. The problem with this method was that the smallest of my children were unimpressed. The chart was always in a different room and the concept of marks on a chart translating into prizes was too vague for their concrete thinking.

Then, I hit on something that appealed to the mercenary in the older children and was concrete enough to motivate the younger ones: MamaBills and DaddyDollars. I created a sheet of these on my computer, printed them out, cut them apart and we were in business.

All of a sudden, behaviors that were annoying began to be something that could cost you a MamaBill. Behaviors that were helpful and joyful would earn you a MamaBill. Listening to a tired daddy when he got home and helping him with his work could get you a DaddyDollar. Remembering to do something without being told, helping the younger ones, respecting your older sibling, all of these things could gain you a wealth of MamaBills or DaddyDollars which would translate into coveted prizes at the end of the day!

The store hours are at my discretion. You must keep up with your own money (I do help the Z-man with his). Asking for payment means you get nothing. Those hard earned MamaBills and DaddyDollars can be lost to poor behavior. That’s right; Mama or Daddy can charge fines for poor behavior.

Children begin to struggle with the desire to whine versus the desire to protect his/her stash of MamaBills and DaddyDollars. Negotiations over whether or not to do something are easily eliminated as the children see that these things will cost them the money they had been saving for a special treat from the Mama Store. Leaving chores undone will mean that you have to pay Mama in MamaBills for doing your work.

But do you want to know the absolute BEST thing about MamaBills and DaddyDollars?

They remind me to say, “Thank you” to my children. I carry around with me little slips of paper that tell me to look for efforts of goodness in my little ones. I have little bits of encouragement to give to them at my discretion. It reminds me to stoop down, get at their eye level, smile and say, “Know what? You’re a great kid. I saw what you just did, and I appreciate it. Here’s a MamaBill.” My expression is genuine because it isn’t based on some philosophical concept of parental attachment that is a fuzzy, confusing idea to them. My expression is a validation of a concrete action on their part. Their little faces fill with pride as they seem to say, “You NOTICED!” The look on their face is priceless – worth far more than a MamaBill or DaddyDollar.

I am reminded the power of saying a simple, “Thank you,” and I get the opportunity to delight in my children.

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world

are clearly seen,

being understood by the things that are made,

even his eternal power and Godhead;

so that they are without excuse:

Because that, when they knew God,

they glorified him not as God,

neither were they thankful;

but became vain in their imaginations.